Ir-RASH-tional

Well, cocks.

I noticed a section of my left arm was slightly discolored after traveling. At first I thought nothing of it but as it got more prominent as the days passed, I figured that contacting my aunt who’s a doctor and explaining what my arm looked like couldn’t hurt. And then it began…

My mom and aunt filled my mind with tales of how it could be a spider bite and that my arm was going to fall off or that the flesh eating bacteria would spread and I would have to cut off my other arm too. My favorite part of that was how they assumed my left arm was as good as gone. It’s like “Bye, fucker, you’ve lived a good life but NOPE, you’re done.”

Monty Python

All I could think on my drive to see a dermatologist was “Oh dear god, please don’t let me turn into Spider-Man.” I don’t think I could ever forgive myself…

As I was filling out paperwork, the dermatologist told me that she had gone to some sort of Scottish fair at the OC Fairgrounds. I was intrigued and made a mental note to attend next year, especially since she mentioned food and beer, plus bagpipes galore which I thought would be hilarious. Then she told me how so many men were in kilts. Before I could stop myself, I asked, “So did you check to see if they have underwear on underneath or do they just go commando?

Whoops.

Mind you, this was my very first time meeting her. Thankfully, she just laughed and said that she didn’t bother to ask any of them but that she would next time.

Yeaaaah, I wasn’t talking about asking. I was thinking more along the lines of “accidentally” dropping a napkin on the floor and sprawling out on the ground to check out the wrapped (or not) package. I figured I was better off not explaining my true intentions ;)

As for my arm, luckily, it just ended up being some random allergic reaction but at least I had some peace of mind and could fully enjoy my weekend.

As the dermatologist handed me some topical samples that should help, she mentioned that she would check in a few weeks to see if I needed a fading cream to help restore my skin back to its original color. Aaaaaaand before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “Am I going to look like Michael Jackson?

Fuck.

I gotta say though, this lady is cool as fuck. She just laughed and said that he used something different and that I would be fine. Whew. Glad I dodged that bullet :P

But seriously, can you imagine me as a one-armed, Spider-Man, Michael Jackson-looking motherfucker laying on the floor trying to look up men’s kilts?

I’m slightly disturbed.

Until next time, y’all!! :P

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Comments
15 Responses to “Ir-RASH-tional”
  1. Ira says:

    Vyvy, I can only imagined you as Batman who can spin webs and with a utility belt item that allows you to look up kilts without being sprawled out on the ground pretending to pick up a napkin. Of course the Batman costume already hides your skin color.

    Like

  2. Katherine Turner says:

    I love how everything came together as you wrote this. You’re a funny girl!

    Like

  3. Twindaddy says:

    Vyvy!! Where have you been???

    Like

  4. TJLubrano says:

    I stared in disbelief when I saw your IG post haha. I haven’t been around on FB/Twitter a lot these past few days, so I missed out on your first announcement.

    WELCOME BACK!!! *throws cupcake sprinkles*

    Ahh the visual when I read this ” one-armed, Spider-Man, Michael Jackson-looking motherfucker laying on the floor trying to look up men’s kilts?”…I mean. You’d make the headlines that’s for sure haha. So glad it wasn’t anything super serious!

    Big hugs!! xoxoxoxoxo

    Like

    • vyvacious says:

      HAHAHA!!! I felt bad for people who had already seen it on Instagram but I was like, hey maybe some folks really haven’t seen it. I’m so glad that you saw it!! :D

      THANK YOU!!! :)

      Hahaha! You know I love me some weird visuals :P Thanks, me too!!

      Big hugs right back atcha!! XOXOXOXO

      Like

  5. Kareen says:

    What do you think you could be allergic to? Weird.

    Like

    • vyvacious says:

      I’m not even sure really. The previous tenant had a dog living in her room which I took over so I think that had something to do with it. Luckily, the landlord is AWESOME and ripped up the carpet to put in hardwood floor and I’ve been doing much better after that :)

      Like

      • Kareen says:

        Oh god. I’ve been struggling with allergies to my cat. Hardwood floors really do help. Glad to see you back on your blog too!

        Liked by 1 person

      • vyvacious says:

        Hahaha oh my goodness, allergic to your very own fur baby! That sucks!! Yes, hardwood floors are a savior but they must be swept and cleaned at least once a week as I’m soon realizing. Not sure how bad your allergies are but mine starts acting up around that week timeframe…

        Thank you! :)

        Like

  6. Soapmouth says:

    Glad you’re okay!

    Like

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