Vyvacious

My friends are freaking awesome.  For my friend’s, Amy’s, 25th birthday, we surprised her by renting a house in San Luis Obispo (SLO) and threw her a grand ‘ole party.  I was, of course, in charge of making her birthday cake.  I was very honored but oh so nervous!  I had planned to make a 4-layered red velvet cheesecake just like her Cheesecake Factory favorite.  Needless to say, I baked for a good 2 days and when disaster hit, I was left with half the amount of layers I originally baked.

I did my research for 3 days straight.  That’s just how I am when it comes to making desserts for people I care about.  Research for THREE motherf’ing days.  Those are the days I just refined my research too, that doesn’t include all my planning beforehand.

Well, my friends, that research went to shit when my cheesecake came out tasting like poop.  Okay, I lie.  I don’t know what poop tastes like.  But it did have this EXTREMELY strong metallic taste.  I even made sure to measure my baking powder carefully because I know that an excess of it can leave a metallic taste.

Well, it turns out that you shouldn’t leave your cheesecake in your METAL springform pan for too long otherwise, WHAMBAMTHANKYOUMAAM, it’ll have a metallic taste!!  Fuck.  I was so fucking upset.  Especially since none of the recipes I found within those 3 days ever mentioned anything about that.  I had to specifically search for “cheesecake metallic taste” and scour many blogs before I found ONE person that mentioned it very briefly.  These bitches clearly aren’t following their OWN instructions that tell you to leave the cheesecake in the metal springform pan for quite some time…

I was so exhausted.  I felt defeated.  What was I going to do?  Bring a shitty, ass, metallic-tasting cheesecake to one of my good friend’s birthday party?  HELL NO!!  This cake was supposed to feed 13 of us!!  I was panicking because I literally had NO extra time.  I only “napped” for an hour before I had to get up again to pack and get my ass to LA before the party cars left for SLO.

I slapped myself to get out of my funk, threw away the 2 layers of metallic cheesecake, and pushed myself to bake my rendition of the red velvet cake just to see if maybe I could salvage something.

This red velvet cake saved the fucking day.  It’s super moist and decadent, with just the right amount of cocoa flavor and tangy kick.  Seriously, SO FREAKING MOIST AND DELICIOUS.

We had this cake for breakfast the next day.  And the cream cheese frosting…?  Oh, this Perfect Cream Cheese Frosting is to die for.  I say “perfect” because I cut back on the sweetness so that true tangy-ness comes through but isn’t overwhelming.  You can slather this shit all over your cake and not feel overwhelmed in the least.  This Perfect Cream Cheese Frosting is the yin to this Super Moist & Decadent Red Velvet Cake’s yang.  That sounded kind of dirty but I don’t care.  Apparently, I like it dirty according to my Urban Dictionary is a betch post ;)

So I thought I’d share this amazing cake with y’all so that you can spread the love to your sweetie, family, and friends this upcoming Valentine’s Day.  Or uh, just make the cake and eat the entire thing yourself…not like I would EVER do that or anything… :P  Either way, from the moment you take a bite, you’ll thank me, I’m sure ;)

Super Moist & Decadent

Red Velvet Cake

*Makes 2 (9-inch) rounds or 24 cupcakes
**Tweaked from divascancook.com

Ingredients:

• 2 cups of all purpose flour + whatever needed to flour the cake pans
• 1 tsp of baking powder
• 1 tsp of salt
• 2 TBSP of unsweetened cocoa powder
• 2 cups of sugar
• 2 sticks of butter, melted
• 1+ TBSP of cold butter or Crisco (to grease the cake pans)
• 1 cup of buttermilk
• 2 tsps of vanilla extract (I used the innards of one vanilla bean)
• 1-2 oz of red food coloring (if you wish)
• 1 tsp of distilled white vinegar
• 1/2 cup of strong, hot coffee

Equipment:

• 2 (9-inch) round cake pans, large mixing bowl, 2 medium bowls, whisk, rubber spatula
• Hand mixer, parchment paper, 2 cooling racks, Saran plastic wrap, butter knife

Steps:

1. Preheat your oven to 325 degrees F.
2. Cut out 2 (9-inch) round pieces of parchment paper.  Of course, cut the parchment paper to whatever size cake pans you’re using.  If you’re making cupcakes then lucky you!!  The cupcake liners shall suffice :)
3. Thoroughly coat the inside of your 2 cake pans with cold butter or Crisco, making sure there’s a smooth, even layer (a.k.a. no uneven clumps of butter or Crisco).  Drop 1 TBSP of flour into one of the butter/Crisco-layered cake pans and tap to evenly distribute across the bottom and sides of the cake pan.  Add more flour as needed and repeat with the second cake pan (use the excess flour from the first if applicable).  Place both cake pans into the fridge while preparing the cake batter.  You can skip this step if making cupcakes.
4. Whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cocoa powder, and salt in a medium mixing bowl.
5. In another medium-sized bowl, whisk together the sugar and the melted butter.  Add the food coloring at this point if you’re using it.  Then add the eggs, buttermilk, and vanilla (extract/bean).  Whisk until incorporated.  Now, add in the hot coffee and vinegar.  Vigorously whisk until combined.
6. Put a quarter of the dry ingredients into a large mixing bowl.  Pour a quarter of the wet ingredients in as well.  Using a hand mixer, mix on low until just incorporated.  Repeat with the remaining dry and wet ingredients.  Scrape down sides of the bowl using a rubber spatula as necessary.  Keep in mind, this particular batter will seem very liquid-y, don’t fret!!  This actually produces a super moist cake! :D
7. Remove the cake pans from the fridge and place the previously-sized parchment paper inside the pan.  Pour the batter into the 2 cake pans, trying your best to distribute the cake batter evenly between both pans.
8. Bake for 25-35 mins for 2 (9-inch) rounds.  For cupcakes, bake for 12-17 mins.  Be careful not to overbake it!  An inserted toothpick should come out clean, but just barely!  I believe mine took just around 25 mins for 2 cake layers.
9. Let the cakes sit in the pans for 5-10 mins.
10. Place a large piece of Saran plastic wrap (enough to completely envelop one cake layer) on top of the cooling rack.  Gently loosen the cake from the pan by running a butter knife between the cake and the cake pan.  Invert onto the plastic wrap-lined cooling rack.  Peel the parchment round off.  Finish wrapping the cake layer in the piece of Saran plastic wrap its sitting on top of.  Make sure the cake is tightly wrapped so that there are no exposed areas.  Cool completely.

The cake itself can be stored at cool room temperature tightly wrapped and covered for up to 5 days.  Continue on for an amazing frosting to complement the cake with.

Perfect Cream Cheese Frosting

*Frosts 2 (9-inch) cake rounds or 24 cupcakes

Ingredients:

• 2 sticks of unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1 (8 oz) block of cream cheese, room temperature
• 2.5 to 3 cups of powdered sugar
• 2 tsps of vanilla extract

Equipment:

• Large mixing bowl, rubber spatula, decorating bags and tips as needed

Steps:

1. Place the softened cream cheese and butter into a large mixing bowl.  Beat on medium speed until the mixture starts to get slightly fluffy then beat on high speed until smooth.  This will take about 4-5 mins.  Scrape down the sides of the bowl as necessary with a rubber spatula.
2. Add the powdered sugar 1/2 cup at a time.  Mix on low until completely incorporating scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.  Repeat until desired sweetness.  I found 2.5 cups to be perfect.
3. I personally like my vanilla extract taste to be slightly muted so that it’s not the main showstopper because I think it makes the frosting taste store-bought which to me means filled with preservatives.  Therefore, I add in 2 tsps of vanilla extract at this point.  Feel free to add more if you wish.  Beat the frosting on high until light and fluffy.  About 2-3 mins.

Store in an airtight container in the fridge for up to 3-4 days.  Continue on for the assembly of the cake and frosting!! :D

Cake and Frosting Assembly!

Suggested Equipment:

• Serving dish, disposable piping bags, piping tips, flat spatula
• Cake mover/lifter, cake carrier or something to store your cake in

Steps:

1. Gingerly unwrap one of the Saran-wrapped cake layers.  Place desired serving dish on top and flip carefully using the cooling rack so that the cake layer is now resting on the dish.
2. I would personally recommend piping this frosting onto the cake as it is an extremely moist cake and bits of cake will get into the frosting which will affect the overall presentation of the cake.  If you don’t care about that kind of stuff, then just slather the icing on top of the cake using a spatula or something similar.  Be sure to still be careful so you don’t break the cake.  Ensure the layer in between the cake layers is smooth and even so the cake is not lopsided.
3. Unwrap the second cake layer and place a cake mover/lifter or something similar underneath.  Carefully put the second layer on top of the frosted first layer.  Finish piping the top of the cake and the sides.  Smooth out with a flat spatula if you wish and decorate as desired!!
4. Note:  My friends loved it right after I assembled the cake but they loved how everything really came together the next day so I would suggest making this cake the night before you want to eat it.

Store the cake covered in a cake box of some sort in the fridge for 3-5 days.  Definitely don’t cover the cake in Saran wrap or foil as it will stick to the frosting and not look so pretty.  I used a cake carrier.

Last step…ENJOY AND STUFF YOUR PRETTY LITTLE FACES!!! :D

Click here to print or save all the recipes and the assembly instructions to your computer!! :)

Until next time, y’all!! :P