I’m Yelp Elite, BITCHESSS!!! :P
*deep breath in*
I’M YELP ELITE, BITCHESSSSSSSSS
I don’t think you understand how ecstatic I am…well maybe you have some idea but really…I’m so freaking excited.
A lot of people have asked me, well what IS Yelp Elite? What does it mean? What free shit do you get? To be honest, I have no idea. I hear talk about some cray-cray parties though with delicious food and alcohol…what’s not to love?!
Mainly, I think I’m so damn excited because I get to meet other foodies! This is huge for me!! My friends love food, don’t get me wrong, but I WILL travel half across the world to try some bomb ass food. Food will often be the main criteria on my trip so HOT DAMN of course I’m excited!
I’ve written a few reviews here and there, you can check out my Yelp page if you’d like :) Which reminds me, I should start writing more reviews so that they don’t revoke my status in 2013… Hmm, in a minute, first, I must dance around at my new found fame! :P Just look at my awesome ’12 Elite badge!
It all started when I received this email last week or so.
I was just sitting at work, la-la-la-la-la and the next second I was falling out of my chair, hand over my mouth to contain my screaming. It soon shifted to me slapping my hands across my face while laughing uncontrollably. Yeah, it was sexy sight to see, that’s for sure.
I’ve always had creepers, guy creepers, girl creepers, young creepers, old creepers… But this is the first time it paid off! :D See, SOMEONE or SOMEONES have had their eye(s) on me! HELL YEAH! You keep that eye on me and you keep giving me elite status and we shall be friends and it won’t be (AS) creepy anymore!
Apparently though, not everything is all hunky dory in the Yelp Elite world. When I came upon THIS EMAIL, I started laughing because honestly it sounds like a normal day at the temple really. What’s my religion, my undying faith? Food and Batman. My family however enjoys visiting temples. I accompany them because I fear for the other drivers if my mother were to attempt to maneuver her way on the freeway. Why, Vyvacious, whyyy are we taking this deviation from your happy-overly-hyper Yelp Elite status post? Because. Because of this very paragraph.
Dear Elite Squad,
It pains me to have to write this letter, but after witnessing absolute, abject terror in the eyes of a waiter at Club A Steakhouse last night, I fear it is necessary. This poor man was absolutely traumatized by the rabid ferocity with which certain guests attacked his plate of hors d’oeuvres; no staff member at an Elite Event venue should be subjected to such treatment, and it is far from the first time.
And this one.
Much to our chagrin, the staff at several events has commented on the fact that occasionally some members of the Elite Squad at meals can be likened to an Animal Planet feeding frenzy, as certain people descend on appetizers as though they have not eaten in weeks.
That is how I felt at the temples. People would literally whisk away the plate that I was eating from and start NOM-ing on that shit themselves! No joke! I have become quite good at guarding my food and saving chairs for others. My mom’s chair has been swept out from underneath her when she slightly lifted herself up to grab a napkin. I got that chair back, oh yes I did.
So, I say to all you Yelp Elitists out there who think you can hoard all the food…BRING IT BITCHES AND FEEL MY WRATH.
Other than that, I am SOOO excited to meet fellow Yelp Elites and enjoy my food/dranks in a less animalistic manner. But I do hope there’s dancing. I love me some dancing
Some have asked me how I got into Yelp Elite Squad. They wanted tips on how to achieve that status. I have no freaking idea. All I know is I love food and I gave back to the Yelp community by writing reviews since I use Yelp so much and WHAM-BAM-THANK-YOU-MA’AM, I’m Yelp Elite. For that, I thank all you creepers out there who stalked me and helped me achieve this :) I’m so very, very happy
Until next time, y’all!!